ARTICLES BY WACEK KIJEWSKI

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# 4  Al-Gebra and Illuminati Links Discovered

Date: 19/10/2006

We are living in a world which is exposed to constant terror. A few days ago an individual was arrested at JFK Airport. The flight he disembarked from was AL-LIE 2006 from the Far-Far East. When checked at the custom counter, the immigration officials noticed the unusual excitement of one of the travellers. After a painstaking search, the suspicion was confirmed. The individual, who pretended to be a university basic-sciences lecturer, was in possession of suspicious and dangerous items. The customs official reported that he was in possession of an eraser, a ruler, a protractor, vernier callipers, a bottle of milk and a peculiar, coded book of non Anglo-Saxon origin on units and algorithms: “The 2006 Edition - SI Units, Conversion and Measurement Skills”. The keywords: “conversion of units”, “experimental science”, “si measurement”, “English to metric”, “fun tests”, “uncertainty”, “power-of-ten”, and “the da Vinci code” sounded also very suspicious…

Obviously, the man contravened the recently imposed flight regulations. Immediately he was whisked off to an undisclosed Central European interrogation camp.

Thanks to recently approved interrogation methods, the officers quickly learned that the man was a member of the infamous Al-Gebra movement. He was charged with carrying weapons of math instructions. It was found that Al-Gebra is a section of a fearsome, extremist scientific cult whose aim is to constantly increase knowledge of numbers with the sole intention of conquering the world. They use secret names like “X” and “Y” and refer to themselves as “Unknowns”. What menaces the world is that in different countries, “Unknowns” change the names of their units to: fps, imperial, cgs, mks, KGB, si, ichi-foot, metric, tuzin-kopa and other strange denominations which make them difficult to follow. However, it has been determined that they belong to a common denominator of illuminati with coordinates in every country on the earth from time immemorial…

Commenting on the event, President Bush assured the American public that no foreign units (even French) would be allowed to enter the USA. The citizens were warned not to make any contact with them. The result of immediate poll showed that 90% of population reacted positively to the appeal.

In his defence, the individual mumbled that he had been framed by his own daughter who had planted a bottle of milk in his luggage as an expression of her love. He admitted that he had flown in from the Far-Far East in order to assist American science teachers. He confessed that in spite of the recent Nobel prizes, he was very concerned about the quality of USA science textbooks. He was also concerned that, according to “Trumpet” magazine, the percentage of American students planning to pursue engineering degrees had dropped from 36% to 6% over the last decade. The final straw that prompted him to board the plane was a statement from his beloved Oprah, who mentioned on prime time TV that high school students in the USA had come 24th in international mathematics tests. He denied that the book he was carrying was a set of instructions but rather a unique book on experimental science. He stated that the book was of a stimulating and entertaining nature and just what American students needed. He maintained that Amazon had already been selling the book for some time at an exorbitant price, far beyond the reach of the average American student and without the author’s permission.

(This bizarre message was passed to IIPCAG for investigaton). His intention was to find an honest American publisher and to sell the book for the price ten times lower. Then he started a strange chant: “u – u-k and u – u-s-a, don’t – de – lay, metri - cate!”

 
 

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